My Guardian Angel must be tired…

I took this picture recently, as I peered outside my hotel window…..

It looks like to me angel wings…

One wing is in perfect condition, and the other one a little tattered and disheveled.

I’d like to think it was my guardian, my angel, and truth be told, I know I have more than one above.

Reflecting on my life in my recovery for the past 15 years, I really embrace the fact that I do have a higher power that cares about me.

Truth be told my guardian angel I’m sure sometimes feels that it works overtime more so than not especially with as much as I have going on in my brain.

The beauty though with my guardian angel(s) is, I am sober and I do my best to live one day at a time, 

but I’m also human.

There are days in recovery when I sit still, take a deep breath, and realize just how far I’ve come.

Not by luck..

Not by my own strength alone..

But by my higher power,

a being greater than me, working overtime behind the scenes.

And I can’t help but smile and say,

“My guardian angel must be tired.”

Tired from all the nights I barely made it home. Tired from dragging me out of dark places where addiction told me I belonged. Tired from standing in between me and the destruction I was so close to choosing.

When I was abusing substances, I wasn’t thinking about divine protection.

I wasn’t thinking about purpose or destiny.

I was just trying to numb the pain, escape the shame, or survive one more day.

But looking back now, I see it clearly:

I had help I didn’t even know I needed.

There were overdoses I narrowly avoided. Car rides I don’t remember. People I shouldn’t have trusted. Places I should never have walked into.

And yet — I’m still here….

Alive. Healing. Sober. Free.

That didn’t happen by accident.

That’s divine intervention.

That’s grace.

That’s my guardian angel(s), worn out but still standing guard.

Even in the depths of my addiction

— when I didn’t value my life —

someone did.

A higher power, a guardian, a force of love that never gave up on me.

They saw who I really was, even when I couldn’t.

They held the line when I had no fight left in me.

And now, in recovery, I realize how hard they worked.

I know this: 

they’re still working — whispering truth into my spirit;

guiding me to meetings;

nudging me to call my sponsor;

asking for help from my “sober sistas”;

reaching out to healthy friends;

and calling my family.

My guardian angel(s) wraps me in peace when shame tries to return.

Maybe the reason I’m still here is because:

I was never alone — not then, not now.

So today, I just want to say thank you.

Thank you to the guardian who stayed up with me through every night I should not have survived.

Thank you to the divine force that kept showing up for me, even when I stopped showing up for myself.

Thank you for the mercy I didn’t earn and the protection I didn’t understand.

Recovery is not easy.

Some days it still hurts…

But today, I honor the strength it took to get here — not just my own, but the unseen strength that carried me when I had none.

To anyone else on this journey: maybe your guardian angel is tired too.

But they’re still working.

Still believing in you.

Still holding space for your healing.

And maybe today, just for a moment, we can rest in that.

Because we are never alone.

We are covered in grace.

And we are living proof that even the messiest of stories can be rewritten with love.

Virtual Hugs!

Love, Amy

Psalm 91:11 - For he shall give his angels charge over thee..

(My Mom’s Favorite Verse)